So… What do you do after you’ve hit rock bottom and nearly killed your self? Bury your head in the sand? Or get back up AGAIN, and fight?
GET UP AND FIGHT.
I don’t remember much around what happened after I tried to take my life, I do remember how my Dad came down on me like a ton of bricks, and Nicky taking a long time to get over what I had nearly done, but the time between that and my newest crime is blurry, so I’ll skip to the next chapter of life changing events.
V FESTIVAL criminal activity TAKE 2.
I’d been gambling again, I was feeling sad and down as I always was, and needed my little ‘pick me up’ to feed my addiction. I had no access to money… Nicky’s account was on lock down from me, I wasn’t trusted with cash and I’d recently left my job, so what did I do? Of course I looked at ways to get my hands on money, to gamble.
Maybe the punishment from the previous V festival experience wasn’t enough? Because it didn’t stop me visiting that crime once again to gain money.
There it was, my same gumtree ad, only a few years down the line. In the pit of my stomach I knew how serious this crime was for me committing, with a judge already pre booking me for any upcoming court cases, and him already telling me he would put me in prison… you’d think the seriousness of that would stop me? Wouldn’t you??
BUT ILL WIN IT BACK ANYWAY!!
I would tell myself. So the same crime was committed, exactly the same way… but this time I hadn’t used Nicky’s name or my own…. I used the dogs. YES the bloody dogs.
But as always it never worked, and as the reels spun their course, never landing in the places I needed them, the money was gone. All gone.
This time I was a coward. I blocked everyone via my iPhone and hid.
I’d used the dogs name anyway… so how would they ever find a ‘Poppy Denning‘ 🙄. I’d kept it all a secret and my newest crime was between me and me only.
We’d taken a trip to butlins and had just arrived home when my neighbour, mel, who had looked after our dog while we were away, delivered me some news.
“The police have been knocking on your door this week”
“They weren’t in uniform though so I wasn’t sure if it was them, they asked when you was home and I said at the weekend, hope everything’s ok Hun?”
I lied… “yeah I’m sure it’s nothing, but don’t telly Nicky please”
Jesus Christ , non uniformed police officers meant one thing…. CID. That same feeling in my body when I know I’m in deep trouble , flash backs of my previous court appearance so clear in my mind. WHY WHY WHY have I done it again?
Why have I broken the law again?
Why am I such a fuck up?
But at the time of my gamble, and the time when I’m getting that feeling from the thing that destroys me the most, I don’t see any thing around me apart from getting my little greedy hands on a BIG WIN.
I look over at my babies beeming from ear to ear from our little trip, and all I could think about is, how could I do this to them, and how the impact of my crime is going to destroy them, and our little family, which at the moment was strong.
I could see the tall red headed CID officer approaching my gate with a female CID officer… and I ran to the door before they had a chance to knock.
“Hello again Jodie”